I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
