Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
