I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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