If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
do nipples grow back?
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