You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
