Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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