we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this will be a night to untag.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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