My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
