the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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