You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
