She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
