you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
