Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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