is wine microwaveable?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
