If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
