you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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