Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
