I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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