everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
