did you get engaged???
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
