hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
