the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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