i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
