I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
