I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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