ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
