You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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