Please, let me fuck your mom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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