Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
