You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
