I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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