Ambien. No doubt about it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
please come you make the beer taste better
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
