I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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