I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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