im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
