he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
