Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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