Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wanna passion pit in your ass
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
