I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
