I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
