I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
