she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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