in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
