farters have to be the big spoon...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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