thus making me awesome and them whores
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
