I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
