I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
