Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
