I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
