dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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