But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
