OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
