I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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