Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
