i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
