You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
