I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
