HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
