Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
a search helicopter?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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