Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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