I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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