dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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