shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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