Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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