It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
