my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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