He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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