Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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