Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
