woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
