tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
