Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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