This is not my ceiling
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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