bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
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I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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