Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
