Nicole vs. Life
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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