how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have aggressive nipples.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
