Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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